Lawrence Vincent Barbano

Lawrence Barbano died peacefully on October 18, 2023 in the Intensive Care Unit of the Palo Alto Veterans Hospital, with his spouse, Donna, and friends at his bedside, and his son Mark and his spouse and two children in the room virtually, bringing an end to a four and a half month hospitalization. This outgoing, big spirited, unpretentious man drew people to him throughout his life. Giving all of us who knew him, the gift of his wonderful sense of humor and his ability to be real, to speak his mind and be the voice of reason. His well-attended honor walk as his body was wheeled from the Intensive Care Unit, with staff lining the hallway walls, was a testament to his magnetism. Lawrence Barbano was born into a large Italian/Sicilian family in Fresno, California on December 18, 1947. His father, Andrew Henry Barbano, was born in Maschito, Southern Italy, and his mother, Mary Anne San Filippo, was the daughter of Sicilian immigrants. When Larry joined the family, his older brother, Andrew Louis, was eighteen months old. Many family members lived nearby. Larry’s father was among the youngest in his family with several older sisters, including one older sister who he said essentially ran the family. By necessity, Larry grew up learning how to effectively navigate complex social systems. He attended Catholic school until about his junior year in high school. He was an altar boy, in fact and to some extent in his behavior (or so he said). Already during his school years, Larry’s penchant for attracting and maintaining friends surfaced. He had lots of male friends and a few girlfriends. He and his guy friends had a car club, the Kruisen Kingsmen, a fond memory of early male camaraderie. Larry graduated from a public high school in Fresno. He acknowledged that he spent time in a pool hall during his high school years, since he had accrued so many credits from his Catholic school tenure, already showing his tendency to be his own person and engage with a situation for what it is. Following graduation from high school he worked as a butcher in a market owned by a man whose family was also from Maschito, his father’s home town, and was good friends with the owner’s brother. He worked long hours, and eventually dropped out of the local community college he was attending. He was required to register for the draft when he left school, and was drafted in 1968. He served in the Army from May 1968 to May 1970, including a tour in Vietnam from October of “68 to October of “69. His military occupational specialty was Light Weapons Infantry, which meant in his case that he carried a machine gun most of the time when he was in the field. Although he spoke rarely about his combat experience, he did share memories from Vietnam, like when he contracted malaria, and had to be hospitalized at Cam Ranh Bay in December 1968. During which time he saw a Bob Hope Christmas show, an experience he could only describe as “surreal”. For many years, he was out of contact with his Army friends, but began going to reunions in the late 1980’s - early 90’s. He looked forward to going to these reunions, where he could bathe in the camaraderie and connection with friends that was so nourishing for him. After returning from Vietnam, he went back to school while working as a butcher for the same man as in his pre-Army days. However, this time he went to school consistently, first at Fresno Community College, and then Fresno Sate College, where he earned an MSW. He had some symptoms of PTSD, but never received formal treatment; he always said his classes and talking to other people were his therapy. He worked at the Fresno VA after graduation in a non- social work job, and moved into his first social work position in about 1979-1980 at the Loma Linda VA. This is where he met this wife, Donna, while they were working in an alcoholism treatment program together. They moved to Northern California in 1981, where Larry worked at the National Center for Post-traumatic Stress Disorder treatment program at the Menlo Park division of the Palo Alto VA as a social work group leader. He co-facilitated the trauma focus group where veterans talked particularly about experiences in Vietnam, usually combat experiences. He was great for the group given his own war zone experiences and his innate ability to be real and to challenge “bullshit” (the party line). The job was difficult, draining emotionally, and Larry left it in 1983. He remained at the Palo Alto VA and worked in several different areas until his retirement in 2003. Throughout his time at the VA, he was himself always, never worrying much about decorum. Fellow social workers remember his inimitable presence at meetings; how he would always bring a big bag of food and sit eating during trainings. Some of the more uptight social workers in the room would grumble about him eating or his keeping things real with his pithy comments. He had a unique outside-the-box way of seeing things that inspired others to think more deeply and take new perspectives about things often taken for granted. Eventually Larry retired due to increasing medical problems. A son, Mark, was born in 1986. Larry loved his little boy and was thrilled to be a father. He wanted to be a more involved and loving father than his own dad had been, and he fulfilled this wish. HIs father died after Larry returned from Vietnam, and as he aged, his father’s death seemed to affect him more deeply. His mother died about 4 months after Mark was born. Mark graduated from high school in 2004 and moved to Oregon in 2007. He met his future spouse, Molly, in 2010 in Bend. Larry has two grandchildren, Mateo (almost 4 years) and Maela (21 months). He loved being a grandfather and would have loved it even more as time went on. Circumstances (including COVID) made it difficult to see Mark and his family, and the decision was made for Larry and Donna to plan a move from California to Oregon. In a sense to recreate the kind of close knit familial network Larry knew in Fresno when he was growing up. Larry’s final year was difficult, as he was experiencing increasing weakness and pain, more difficulty getting up from a chair and in walking. Although he worked to keep his diabetes under control, the effects of the disease were apparent. In May of this year, the discovery of a tumor on a spinal nerve, helped to explain the significant physical problems he was experiencing. The tumor’s surgical removal resulted in the long Palo Alto VA hospital stay. This was a trying time for Larry with his loss of energy and quite possibly loss of hope that he could recover. The family plan for Larry and Donna to move to Oregon may have felt like more than he was up to doing. Or, perhaps, he was being his own person and engaging with a situation for what it is, acknowledging that the vitality he needed to make this next move, just wasn’t there. He is survived by his spouse, Donna Horn, his son, Mark and Mark’s spouse, Molly, and their two children Mateo and Maela. All living close by each other now in Oregon. He is also survived by his older brother, Andy of Reno, Nevada.

Lawrence Vincent Barbano

December 18, 1947 - October 18, 2023